With Narcissism - Defined as; An excessive self love. On the rise and people talk about their fear of being seen on Instagram, gasp – twice, in the same outfit. Can we really continue to pretend in the year 2016 that we have no obsessions.

Obsession - Defined as; An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

Let me be the first to admit, I've got a suitcase full of obsessions stashed somewhere inside of me, even as I sit typing this I've listened to 'If I had a heart – Fever Ray' for the fifteenth time. I am aware and fascinated by my own Obsessions.

I obsess over characters, stories and worlds in a TV show I'd be watching or a book that I am reading, sometimes both simultaneously.

Presently I'm re-watching the brilliantly written Breaking Bad and I've been obsessed over, Ep04, of Season 4 'Open house' (In which the song, 'If I had a heart', features).

breaking bad

It's portrayal of the supporting characters, Jesse and Marie in particular, are so raw and beautifully done. They are the driving force behind the episode's story and we are given a moment to explore a world less focused on showing Walter White and still - he is there, reflected through those closest to him, we are witnessing the repercussions of Walt's choices and actions through their struggles. It is a brilliant episode, studying the perils and pains of a person's personality.

https://youtu.be/m5mhlXE5G3g

Before Breaking Bad, I obsessed over Fargo, Season 2, and further back, I was lost in the world of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norell – Susannah Clarke. A brilliant book (and I've yet to see the show).

Jonathan_strange_and_mr_norrell_cover

All this doesn't even touch upon, my own personal characteristics.

There's my addiction to coffee, this growing lust to surf everyday and then there is this gorgeous father at my local school who I enjoy checking. (Ok... maybe that one I wouldn't classify as an obsession, more as loin quivering, innocent fun.)

My point is, I'm not perfect, but then again, who is? In an age full of visions of Kardashian grandeur. It's kinda sad to see us living in a self obsessed society filled with careless, narcissist fuckers, too busy taking selfies. (Possible gross over estimation here, lumping everyone into the same box.) But every man/woman for himself, right. I mean my shit is more important then your shit.

Divergences and rants aside, I'm aware of my obsessions and I love learning about them. I'm fascinated by the human mind and psyche, and it's probably why I've always wanted to 'secretly' be a writer and though I can easily admit that desire to myself and the world now. For years the thought of becoming a writer seemed laughable, I never considered myself “smart” enough to write. I knew people who were writers, or aspiring writers and they were all so much more academically smarter then I.

Yes I can laugh about all these inner insecurities now, but I can't help but think of all the wasted years they provided me, and a myriad of sayings pop into my mind. 'Better late then never' 'More wealth for your writing', 'No time like the present' - which brings us round house back to our original topic, obsession, had I not been a insecure teenager, growing into a young people pleasing adult I would of sorted my shit out years ago and learnt to deal with my insecurities and obsessions.

Maybe I should of listened to my parents advice, my mother saying 'get over it', and my father following with, 'feel the fear and face it anyway'.

captain goodvibes